Transference a major role player in change of behaviour

When we are born we are neutral and not layered with any sort of beliefs or wrong behaviours or vikaras in sanskrit . But when we grow big  we are often denoted as restless, anxious , wild etc.....Have we ever wondered why these kind of denotions are added to us when we were born neutral?

This is because as we are born we are surrounded with family , circumstances , values , beliefs and we are layered with all this constructing us into an individual which is not a real self .

Still you must be thinking how this can happen , this can happen through transference .We can understand this from a few examples

What do we generally do when someone hits us hard ? majority of the times we hit them back hardly . It means that we did not have an intention to hit but we did the same as someone did to us .

Another example to explain this is if we call our friend for dinner and as he is coming for the first time we make a lot of delicacies and he becomes happy . Next time when we visit his house he just serves us tea , so we get upset and next time we do the same with him . So we become him and loose our own behaviour.

By the above examples we can understand that this has happened only because of transference of behaviour of someone else into ours.

We have heard that child is like a father or a mother . So this happens because the child is observing you and turning into an individual which is like someone in the family in this also the transference of behaviour of an individual is happening due to constant observance.

Similarly, a child who has always got whatever he demanded, this situation might make him a person who will not be able to accept a no from someone easily. So here transference of situation is working and impacting the child's behaviour.

From whatever we understood about transference from the above examples, it means that whatever we feed in we shall receive. If we feed in right, we may get right .

You would have a question how can we control everything and set right in the platter of the child ?

It begins from us, so if the start goes right the result can go right if we just look upon the path and monitor it. The change in our own behaviours can bring a major change in our surrounding. As every individual change can bring a major change in the society

How we can do this?

• Always before reacting to anything one should view in oneself that is this reaction mine or is transferred from someone else.
• When we realize that this does not belong to us, then we should sit quietly and meditate and calm our mind.
• After calming our mind we should try to understand why the person had done that way, is it his nature to react when he is irritated with something or it is actually caused by our wrongdoing.
• If its cause is because of his irritation we should let it go and talk to him when his mind becomes calm, about the wrong behaviour by using the words I understand. And if it's due to our mistake we should accept and try to improve.

For children, parents should behave right as they are going to build themselves as an individual from your behaviours as you are the first teacher for them. You can also teach them good values so that they can pick up right friends for them which would impact another part of life. Bring them up in the right surrounding as they learn a lot from them .

Few tips given above will help you from the wrong impact of transference and bring a real self of you, as every individual is born for a purpose and that purpose is possible only with the knowledge of real self .

Even the method of fingerprint analysis can help you to find real self if one feels he/she is too layered and lost ones true self.